Small changes, mean big results! DAY 4
Jul 12, 2018
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5lNvCisHZcg

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good morning everybody so today is day 5
well 5 I wanted to thank you guys again
for coming and joining my journey as I
say every single time I really
appreciate all of the subscribers that
have joined and the ones that have been
hear from even before I just want to
tell everybody that I appreciate all of
your guys's encouragement it again means
so much to me there are a few things
that I wanted to bring up and discuss
and it's nothing bad but I think
sometimes open communication is the best
tool and something that I have you know
been asked multiple times and I've had
other people answer for me because
obviously you know I can't always answer
every question when it's multiples again
like I was saying yesterday I am doing
my very best to try and keep up with all
the messages because it means so much to
me that you guys even take time out of
your day to message me anything so for
me it's like I just need to find the
time to respond back to you guys because
that means a lot to me I know when I
comment on somebody's post or video or
whatever and then respond back it just
makes me feel a little better it just
makes me feel a little special like okay
she acknowledged her he acknowledged
that I commented and it makes me feel
good so I definitely want you guys to
know I am seeing everybody asbestos if
I'd missed them I'm trying to go back
through and get them one thing that was
brought up to me was if I would please
start blocking the negativity the people
that are causing the negative shows on
my channel I am doing my best
somehow they sneak in different ways as
I see the negative comments
I did today try and go through this
morning when I very first woke up and I
seen a whole bunch listed and I went in
and removed them all and and I
appreciate you guys keep bringing those
to me so I know that there's more out
there because again I get so many
comments coming in that I have a hard
time sometimes filtering some of those
hour but I appreciate you guys having my
back and I am so happy that I have
people that are able to uplift me and
and watch over the situation to just
kind of help keep it going as in a
positive way second thing I wanted to
bring up was someone had mentioned in
one of the comments why do my children
always cry so I just want to explain I
said it once before I think and what am
I maybe my previous maybe my very first
video of my weight loss journey I have a
two and a three year old they are
literally like twins so they fight over
everything there is nothing they love
each other but they fight at the same
time and I'm pretty sure anybody that
has kids understands this is my life
this is it like it's I don't put on a
show I don't try and pretend I gonna put
a fake person out there like this is me
this is my life this this is my this is
my family like this is who we are and
unfortunately my two they like to scream
not even cry all the time they just
scream just to scream and be loud to be
obnoxious and I try to control it don't
don't get me wrong like I don't well my
and my kids to be animals but I also
have to allow my kids to be kids you
know I don't want to make my children
feel like they have to be these perfect
people just because mom's got the camera
on or because you know you know is sure
when we're in public or when we're in a
restaurant or were somewhere of course
we don't allow our kids just to scream
all the time you know sometimes it
happens and we're like hey hey hey you
know we've got to use our inside voice
and you know we remind our kids even at
home hey where you sergeants Oh
voice you know we're not outside but
again you're dealing with a two and a
three year old their comprehension isn't
as like high tech that some people may
expect them to be so it's not that my
children are being you know ignored or
you know mistreated or anything like
that like my kids have everything they
ever wanted in their own ways
my kids are definitely not spoiled by
any means they get consequences when
they you know did you know misbehave but
we also again we're not gonna expect our
kids to be robots so I'm really sorry if
it really bothers you guys that you hear
the kids in the background I try to do
my very very very very best to keep the
noise at a minimum when I'm trying to
film but again I pop on and off
throughout the day so it's really hard
to just constant like hey okay guys
mom's gonna fit you know tape so you
guys got to sit down and play quietly
you know because that's just not fair to
them so that was one situation I just
wanted to address and I apologized again
like I said if it's really something
that bothers you guys I really am sorry
I'm trying to you know teach them that
crying and screaming and trying to get
their voice heard isn't probably the
best way but I have to do it at their
age level like they're just not fully
there where you can just stop them a
hundred percent be like okay I don't
want to hear it until you're able to
talk to me normal so that's that third
thing that I wanted to bring up to you
guys was somebody said well they kind of
they suggested kind of for me to do kind
of like the 600-pound light or to
contact the 600-pound life doctor doctor
knows NARS ARS Arden and I think is
Anita I don't know I don't watch that
show I I watched it for awhile and to be
honest I I stopped I have my own
personal feelings about it so I just you
know I know I don't watch the show but
um you know also I'm not I'm not weight
loss extreme
I'm not Biggest Loser I'm not the
600-pound life like this is me I am
human I am
this the right way to be the best way
that I can you know there are days that
I have to be in a car driving because I
have to be going places Thursday's I
have to be at the store because I have a
life and I have to get things for my
home sure I do set in my chair a lot
because of my weight I've torn my my
knees down like my right knee hurts so
bad when I put any type of pressure on
it it kills now do I allow that to stop
me from doing anything of course and I
still get up and I push through the pain
and I do it I refuse to take pain meds I
will not take a pain med for my own
personal reasons I I don't personally
take pain medicine even when I had my
two c-sections I only took the percocet
that they gave me for the first day
after having my c-section after that I
completely stopped taking any pain
medicine my doctor and my nurses were
all pushing on me Amy you need to take
medicine Amy you need to take your pain
meds and I'm like I don't need it
um I'm just not a person that likes to
take payments um so with that you know
sometimes I do have to sit down and let
my knee rest a little bit because I
don't over exert it and cause more
damage that's there and I know most of
its gonna probably be fixed as my
weights coming off so I just wanted to
address that as well as yes I do sit a
lot in my chair but I am trying to get
up little by little and do more today
we're gonna be cleaning up our guest
room and I'm gonna show you guys that
before picture it is a madhouse like
that room has been my free-for-all room
like I just threw well nothing now it
tells me my whole family uses that room
as a catch for all so if anything needs
to go anywhere it just goes into that
room goes into that room goes in the
room like right now you see a mess
behind me my bed was it not made today
not yet anyways I just started my
morning um not that it seems like it um
but it's my free-for-all room and so I
finally told my husband cuz we're
getting some nutrition dressers coming
in for the the guest room I went ahead
and told him let's get in there let's
get it done
so I'm sure it's gonna probably take a
good day to get everything because I'm
going through everything throwing tons
of stuff away you know housing new star
stuff out to other people so it's gonna
take me a good day two maybe even two
days to finally really get everything
out of there that I want to get out um
but I'm gonna be too the one doing it so
in return
that's me moving cuz I'm not used to
even doing that like I would usually
boss my family around to get them to do
those things but today I was like no you
know what I'm gonna get up I'm gonna do
these things it's gonna probably hurt
it's gonna make me feel uncomfortable
but uncomfortable is it good comfortable
because that means it's make you be move
so I am doing things slowly I may not
you know tape everything that I'm doing
physically but I am doing stuff and yes
in the store I do have to use a cart
right now again I'm 490 pounds like that
obviously is a lot of weight to put down
on your bones it's my fault I'm not I'm
not saying it's not my fault it is my
fault but to be able to go into the
store and get the things that we need I
have to do it
the way that I can to make it more
comfortable for me and for right now
those carts are there for people that
need them and obviously I need one right
now now is it something I want to do for
the rest of my life of course not
I'm hoping within this next couple of
weeks I can actually get out of that and
be able to start really moving and
making way for a new life because I
don't like being in those cards it's
embarrassing I hate it I usually will
make my husband go get the card and
bring it to an aisle and then I'll sneak
into it because I will not get into the
cart at the front of the store because
it's in baracy I hate it so for a buddy
that thinks that the carts are very fun
to be in for me absolutely not I hate it
and I would never be in it if I didn't
have to be and I'm hoping to make that
change very soon other than that I think
that's really all that I've really been
seeing that I needed to just address
right away were those things and and
daily I will try and you know continue
to address things as I see them being
brought up again I know my day videos
aren't
Oh fun but this is me this is my
weight-loss journey this is what I'm
trying to do oh one more thing that I
wanted to address before I forget
someone had also told said well your
husband's an enabler because he allowed
you to eat a thousand calorie sandwich I
want to stop right there and say
absolutely not
first of all my husband is non enabler
my husband allows me to do my journey on
my own he will be there to support me
100% but it's not his job to tell me
what to do that is my choice I chose to
eat that sandwich I chose not to check
this calories before I put it in my
mouth and ate it so I am the one that
takes full responsibility and
accountability for that my husband had
nothing to do with it yes he went and
helped get the sandwich because I asked
him to but again that had nothing to do
with him he was just kidding me the
sandwich because I requested it that's
what he was doing
my husband does not control me my
husband 100% allows me to do what I need
to do but again like I said he will
support me a hundred percent my husband
does not want to see me stay fat the
person that said that my husband married
me when I was 325 pounds when we got
married and I and I'm going to share
this whole story with you guys in
another video it's a very long story
it's our love story to everything else
but when I had to come back home and
leave him back in Egypt during that time
is when I lost my baby and I gained 120
120 pounds and so when he came to
America I was at that point over 400
pounds my husband continued to love me
for who I was not for what I was and my
husband to this day always is
encouraging me you know that he wants me
to be healthy for my life for my kids
for him for my our family if it meant
that I could be healthy and live the
rest of my life until I'm a hundred at
this size he wouldn't say anything about
it but at the same time he wants me to
have my life after having that heart
thing happen that was very scary
for him I've never truly seen my husband
cry like I seen him cry when he knew
that this stuff was going on because he
was so fearful I mean he was so scared
he didn't know what to do so for him no
he's not wanting me to stay up 500
pounds he's not wanting me to get down
to 150 pounds he wants me to be at a
healthy healthy weight to what I want
know what he wants like he said Amy this
is you do you I'm here to back you up
and encourage you but you do you not I'm
not gonna be telling you what to do and
that's exactly what he does so I just
want to make that clear that I don't
want people to think that he's enabling
me or you know helping me stay fat
because that's not the issue whatsoever
if anything he's a big supporter and
encouragement to me to change but to
change for my health not to change
because of looks because like you said I
love you no matter what it doesn't
matter what you are I will always love
you
but if that means to add on an extra 40
50 60 years to our marriage and for you
to be here for our family I want you to
get healthy yes because I don't want to
lose you because I love you too much and
I couldn't imagine my life without you
that's it so anyways so this is my
moaning I'm gonna for breakfast I'm
gonna have my normal eggs and my turkey
sausage it's just a very easy breakfast
for me and so my kids love it my my son
my oldest son is really hard to feed in
the morning because he's just so picky
and eggs are one of his favorites so we
eat a lot of eggs especially for morning
time so a lot of times that you're gonna
see that for marina it's gonna be eggs
but um anyways so I'm gonna have eggs
and turkey sausage for breakfast and I
don't know what's gonna contain for the
rest of the day but I will keep checking
in with you guys and let you guys know
how the day's going all right
for breakfast I just had my normal two
eights three turkey sausage but I ended
up only being able to get one egg down
and two sausage the rest of that all
went to my kids
here is the beginning of the
free-for-all room I tell you there's a
little bit of everything in here but it
is a work in progress that we're gonna
start working on today and get it all
done what a mess it is I can't believe
that I let it get that far
okay so I got most of the stuff done
today
there's some things I still need to go
back in and do tomorrow I ran out of
time I've got my target bags I need to
put away after my haul there are some
things my husband has to put away but
other than that I just have a little
more to go here is my lunch for today
it's just the chunky Campbell's classic
noodle soup it was 250 cup
you
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here is my dinner for tonight so we have
meat and onion sauce so yummy that's
mullah kiya that's an Egyptian soup and
there is ooh Keeney and red sauce was so
so good
good evening so end of the day thank God
it has been such a long day we worked
really hard on our guest room
getting it all done it just like I had
said earlier today it's it's the
free-for-all room so of course
everything in the jungle is in there
like seriously oh I hate catch for all
rooms because they're so hard to clean
afterwards it's fun filling them and
then when it comes to cleaning times
like why and then my kids are like I
don't want you and unless I get your
butt in there and help me now so I
pretty much got it done I have a few
things left I need to get done which one
of them is I'm gonna get together the
target haul for you guys I'm gonna try
and work on that tomorrow no guarantee
but I'm gonna try um today only was one
video and I'm really sorry that I didn't
get more up it's just been it's been
really hectic just trying to just give
myself in this routine and you know like
I've said before changes so it's so hard
and when you're making such big changes
sometimes you have to X everything out
of you know what your norm would be just
so you can really stay grounded and stay
on tantor track and so for me I've
noticed I've had to do a little bit of
that I've had to kind of you know X
myself out of a few things
a few activities that I'm used to
because right now it probably wouldn't
be a safe situation for me to go into
but you know that's part of this journey
you know and I think anybody that goes
through this type of a journey
especially at the in-depth that I'm
going through
sometimes backing off of everything just
is you just have to so that's kind of
what this week really has been about is
just really diving in and focusing on my
nutrition I've been battling trying to
get my nutrition are my calories in it's
it's hard like once you really start
paying attention to what you're doing
it's like whoa I I not be no I'm not
being able to get all my calories and
that I need and I'm still I'm feeling
good don't get me wrong but I know that
it's very important to get all of my
calories in and so I've been really
really really really trying and and
that's why this week has been very
important to stay home as much as I can
and stay where my environment is of my
change
so beans like normally I would be
wanting to eat out fast food and all of
that if I'm not out you know in that
environment that I'm not led to the
temptation and right now it's you know
yes I have choices to fall into the
temptation I do but at the same time
it's kind of like you know an alcoholic
or a drug addict you wouldn't go and you
know the first week that they're trying
to be some you know have sobriety go and
put him in a bar and say well you can
stay here and visit with your friends
but you cannot drink that's that's why
would you do that that's cruel and
that's kind of in the same situation I'm
in
as food is everywhere you know you drive
down the street you're gonna see food
you're gonna see food on commercials I
mean come on you scrolled through
Facebook in your seen food you know food
is is everything in in our life um but
some of us just have issues with it and
can't seem to control it so for me I've
just been kind of staying at home a
little bit more so I you know like I
said before I know my my videos are kind
of just like wow you're just talking and
I want to see some and I promise you
will it's just I just ask for a little
bit of patience while I'm going through
this week of transition next week I
start my workouts which you guys are
busy and I am I am so embarrassed up are
not embarrass I'm so nervous to show you
guys what I'm gonna look like while I'm
doing it but hey you know what it worked
yes I look a little bit different
tonight I don't have my glasses on I
actually I took a shower and took a nice
hot shower and just relaxed and I came
in the room and I was just you know
getting dressed for the bed for bed for
a night time and I was like you know
it's almost bedtime so you know what
while I'm in here and I'm relaxing why
don't I just close my day so I don't
have my glasses in my room I actually
left them on my TV unit so I am
glassless so if I'm looking a little um
I like my eyes are crossing it but
something I wanted to bring up you know
really quick is again as I'm going
through this change I guess I things
that people can do so easily that us as
big people can't people with
disabilities can't and
you know I as I was taking a shower
tonight and I was thinking you know it's
gonna be so different as I get to you
know get to losing more of my weight
it's gonna be so nice to be able to
really take a nice shower and not have
to rely on assistance while I'm taking a
shower or you know having to you know
put powder in those crevices that are
you know can cause a rash you know when
causing a rash that can get infected and
you can end up in the hospital I mean it
could get really ugly
um just the things that I have to do now
to accommodate for my size it really
makes me think about you know the things
that I think people don't realize that
others wish that admits that they don't
have and I guess that just made me
really excited that I have hope that I'm
going to be able to experience all those
things again in life you know I've never
always been this big you know and I've
had a normal so-called life in the sense
of being able to walk through stores and
take showers on my own and you know get
dressed and be fine and just all of the
things that I would normally be able to
do I I've taken for granted because now
it's like god I want to do those things
that I can't and so that's something I'm
gonna put together on another video are
struggles that a lot of obese people
they deal with on a daily basis and as
thinner people may not understand our or
they get disgusted or you know they
judge the bigger people yes
by most of us it's by our choices that
we are the size we're at by all the
different things that could be going on
in their life it could be health reasons
that they're big it could be mental
issues that they're big it could be a
disorder that they're big it could be
anything that they're big it doesn't
just mean because you see someone in the
store that they're lazy because they're
I remember as a little girl I remember
there I had a friend and her mom was she
was obese she was big and I never told
my friend this of course but in the back
of my mind I always thought to myself I
wish I was that little girl I wish I was
her and because I would think that she
got to go home and eat all the sweets
you know and have all the the candy and
all that so because she had a big mom so
she must be able to eat all of the candy
and sweets and goodies when I would have
to go home and have my strict Mills and
it just made me think like back you know
I wonder if people think that about me
with my children you know I wish that I
was there them and she was my mom
because they can go home and have sweets
and stuff like that it and you know in
reality I do allow my kids - how sweet
I'm not gonna sit here and say I don't
um they have it in moderation you know I
don't just sit there and say hey you can
have a candy bar for breakfast or you
can have ice cream for lunch no that's
not how it works but I do buy them
things because why am I gonna deprive
them you know if something just because
I have an issue doesn't mean that they
have an issue and my husband the same
thing you know no he doesn't go and get
a piece of cake and eat it right in
front of me no but if he wants a cookie
or he wants a piece of cake he'll buy it
but he doesn't mean he's gonna sit me in
front of me he'll usually wait until
it's you know time that we break away
into our own rooms or you know going we
all break into our own areas to watch
different shows you know because of
course my husband ain't gonna watch you
know like Little Women LA or married at
first side or any of those he ain't
gonna watch that and of course I ain't
gonna watch his action movies or shows
so we all break into our own room so at
that point if he wants his piece of cake
why can't he go and eat it with it while
he's watching his shows or you know why
can't I have a veggie tray while I'm
sitting in eating my or watching my
shows because that's something I enjoy
like what is the why can't I and why
can't he so that kind of ties into like
I again the
you know that he sabotages he doesn't
sabotage no I don't ever get angry with
him or the kids if they're gonna eat
something sweet it doesn't honestly it
doesn't even faze me because I'm so
focused on what I'm doing and that I am
desiring these changes so much that when
they're eating something it just reminds
me that I don't want those things
because I want to have a healthy life
and that I'm working so hard to lose
this weight that a piece of candy or a
piece of cake is not worth me messing up
even one day to make myself fall for
something that I don't need
so anyways but yeah that is another
video that I do want to put together and
I'm making notes of different videos
because I definitely want to make things
that people can watch and know that
they're not alone
in the struggles that they deal with and
sometimes it's embarrassing to ask
somebody like well you know you can look
at something like for me I have I've
seen people that are my size and I'll
ask them like how do you take a shower
you know do you have to have help or do
you have certain techniques that you use
and I'll ask because I would rather know
than not know and but some people are
not that way some people will just hide
it and just not deal with it you know
but I want to be that voice for people
if they have you know a concern or they
have questions I want to be able to
maybe make a video that they can listen
to and be like oh you know what okay I
do that too and I'm I know know that I'm
not alone she's big and she has to do
the same things so and it makes you just
feel a little bit better so anyways
enough with the talking no just don't
mean I really hope you guys had a good
day today
mine was good busy but good tomorrow I'm
hoping for a more productive fun day
we'll say don't know how fun this is
gonna be for some of the stuff we have
to get done but like I said I'm really
gonna try and work towards getting that
target hall done for you guys and focus
on some other things I need to continue
to make lists of questions that you guys
are asking again if you guys have any
questions
anything ask me and I will answer it to
the best of my ability
meaning if it's a doozy question I will
try and I will still try and answer it
but all the answer to / appropriately if
I can talk but anyway so again today was
a good day for me
I hope it was a good day for you guys I
am so happy that you guys are here
watching my next video I will see you
guys again tomorrow this is what I chose
to have for my little dessert it's just
sparkling ice strawberry lemonade
flavored water zero calories but it's
actually really sweet so it kills that
sweet tooth that I had tonight that I
need to get rid of
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